{"id":652,"date":"2018-04-16T17:51:58","date_gmt":"2018-04-17T00:51:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/?p=652"},"modified":"2018-04-16T17:51:58","modified_gmt":"2018-04-17T00:51:58","slug":"beat-bush-everyone-just-gets-lost","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/beat-bush-everyone-just-gets-lost\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Beat About the Bush? Everyone Just gets Lost."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>There are many reasons people choose to not get directly to the point: tact, fear, the desire to make things sound better than they are, the desire to hide what is really being said. However, when you choose to communicate that way, start handing out the compasses, because your audience is just going to get lost.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_651\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-651\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-651 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Hideous-Hat-sm-300x157.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"157\" srcset=\"https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Hideous-Hat-sm-300x157.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Hideous-Hat-sm-768x401.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Hideous-Hat-sm-1024x535.jpeg 1024w, https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Hideous-Hat-sm.jpeg 1950w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-651\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Now that is a hideous hat!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p><span style=\"color: #055a3c;\"><strong>Tact, or diplomacy, is a good reason to be cautious of your word choice. It is not, however, a good reason to avoid saying what needs to be said.<\/strong><\/span> \u201cYour hat is hideous,\u201d is not appropriate. \u201cI worry that your hat\u2019s ornamentation will be distracting to the audience,\u201d is a better way to suggest that maybe the hat is not appropriate. Or, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I\u2019m allergic to the feathers in your hat, I cannot go out with you if you will be wearing it,\u201d is a stronger, yet not insulting, way to suggest the hat cannot go out in public. And if the only problem with the hat is that the color is one you find vile, you may just need to hold your tongue to maintain the relationship.<\/p>\n<p>If you are afraid of the topic, or how your audience will receive it, your approach will depend on the reason for your fear.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If it\u2019s a \u201cdon\u2019t shoot the messenger\u201d situation, then start with that.<\/li>\n<li>If it is your first time teaching sex-education, then \u2026 well, why are you teaching sex-ed if you\u2019re afraid of it? Rip off the bandage and be done with it.\n<ul>\n<li>Sensitive topics, such as sex, are really best with a \u201cjust the facts\u201d mentality to avoid any and all confusion.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li>For all other causes of fear (that I can think of), I find being direct and humble works the best for me. \u201cHere\u2019s what happened. I\u2019m sorry it happened. I will do everything in my power to prevent it from happening again.\u201d Avoid pointing the finger at someone else \u2013 unless that\u2019s the problem. In which case, express your concerns regarding the other person in terms of your direct experience. And definitely, do that in writing as a way to protect yourself.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"color: #055a3c;\"><strong>Euphemisms are tricks of language to make something sound less bad.<\/strong><\/span> War is a great source of euphemisms. Two key examples: friendly fire (getting killed by an ally) and collateral damage (killing people or destroying property that were inconveniently between you and your target). And, it is difficult to come up with alternatives to the war examples and keep the conversation polite. Then again, war is not a topic of polite conversation. If you feel you need the euphemism, then maybe it\u2019s time to change the topic.<\/p>\n<p>The euphemism that used to really bother me is \u201cpassed away\u201d instead of \u201cdied.\u201d My opinion: say what happened! Then my mom died. I still have a hard time saying it. I\u2019ve decided that making the loss of someone so dear feel less horrible is an OK thing.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s one I learned recently that is more about deception than being polite: sunshine units. That\u2019s a term for a power plant that\u2019s leaking radiation. Leaking radiation is bad, there is no way to put a happy face on it. While I can understand the desire to smooth some edges, <span style=\"color: #055a3c;\"><strong>the only reason to be deceptive is <\/strong><strong>because you\u2019re<\/strong><strong> the one doing something bad.<\/strong><\/span> That\u2019s fear. Swallow your pride and own up to the situation.<\/p>\n<figure id=\"attachment_649\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-649\" style=\"width: 380px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\" wp-image-649\" src=\"https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Sunshine-Units-300x150.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"380\" height=\"190\" srcset=\"https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Sunshine-Units-300x150.jpg 300w, https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Sunshine-Units-768x384.jpg 768w, https:\/\/torawriting.com\/sandbox\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/04\/Sunshine-Units-1024x512.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 380px) 100vw, 380px\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-649\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Which sunshine units do you prefer?<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<p>Then there is the desire to make people think you are saying one thing when you are saying another. This is also a deception! Those are bad! You hate it when it\u2019s done to you, so why do it to others?<\/p>\n<p>I never learned subtlety. When I try it, people tend to get confused. I tend to get confused when people use it on me. Maybe that\u2019s part of why I\u2019m so passionate about clear communication. If you are going to say or write something, say or write it! <span style=\"color: #055a3c;\"><strong>Be considerate of your words as well as the truth.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p>-Lorrie Nicoles<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are many reasons people choose to not get directly to the point: tact, fear, the desire to make things sound better than they are, the desire to hide what is really being said. However, when you choose to communicate that way, start handing out the compasses, because your audience is just going to get [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":650,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,4],"tags":[13,185,187,186,6],"class_list":["post-652","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-latest-blogs","category-writing","tag-clear-communication","tag-euphemism","tag-subtlety","tag-tact","tag-writing-2"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Why Beat About the Bush? 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